For Someone to Hold
by For Shits and Giggles
Summary: Integra longs for the embrace of one she can never have. Well, sorta. AXI


Title: For Someone To Hold  
Author: For Shits and Giggles  
Category: Hellsing  
Genre: Blatant Parody  
Rating: R for sensitive viewers  
Summary: Integra longs for the embrace of one she can never have. Well, sorta. AXI  
Disclaimer: We don't own the series. *gasp* no shit.  
  
And Alucard walked up to Integra and he said, "Hey."  
  
Then she said, "Hey."  
  
And he said, "So, read any good fanfics lately?"  
  
Then she said, "Not really. They all have us fucking and stuff. It doesn't really make much sense, you know, being as I'm a -virgin- and all."  
  
And he said, "Well, for shits and giggles, we could change that, no da?"  
  
And Giggles chimed in with a trademark giggle and said, "Oh, what the hell. Everybody else has porn of you two. I want some too."  
  
And then Cullen, being the dirty dirty boy he is, asked ever so politely if he could watch. And then Shits hit him over the head with a bottle of lubricant, knocking him out before tossing it, and a condom, to Alucard. Catching the utensils, Alucard glanced at them and looked quizzically at Shits and said, "I'm dead. I don't need a condom."  
  
Shits shrugged, and Giggles laughed. "Just in case."  
  
Integra sighed deeply and glared at the two writers, promptly banishing them with a hobnofferblech. (What is a hobnofferblech, you ask? sore wa.... himitsu desu.) Alucard shot his trademark grin at his tall, beautiful, blonde hellcat.   
  
"So, shall we dance?"  
  
*******  
  
Giggles turned on the hidden camera, glancing over Shits's shoulder. "That's a good movie."  
  
Shits laughed and clicked her fingernails together. "Be silent, young apprentice, and observe. This is love in the making."  
  
Giggles glanced at her quizzically and shook her head, remaining silent.  
  
*******  
  
Thinking briefly of what her father would have thought of her carnal lust, Integral Hellsing threw caution to the wind and allowed Alucard to take her in his arms, looking up into his gold flecked blood coloured eyes. "Take me," she whispered, looking longingly at his fangs, shifting her leg to feel the press of his groin against her perfectly sculpted thigh. "Take me now."  
  
"As you wish, Miss Hellsing," Alucard growled, his rich voice sending shivers down the young woman's spine. Gently, almost tenderly, Alucard brushed his cold lips against Integra's, their warm softness melding into him and parting willingly for him to enter. She flushed as his large hands grabbed her from behind, carefully lowering her to the grass beneath them.  
  
"Alucard," Integra whispered, her voice shaking slightly with uncertainty.  
  
"Shh," the vampire servant purred, nuzzling against her ear, breathing in her vanilla scented hair. "I'll be gentle."  
  
Integra nodded, submitting to her servant's cold embrace, welcoming his inquisitive hands as they roamed her previously unexplored regions. Centuries of experience on Alucard's side he soon reduced his mild mannered master to a wildly moaning creature, desiring ever more of what he offered. His fingers danced lightly down her blouse, untucking the fabric and reaching up underneath, eliciting a sharp gasp and cry of pleasure from the woman now under his control.  
  
"Alucard... uhnn," Integra moaned, whimpering as he pulled away from her lips. Entwining her fingers in his ebony hair, Integra's hands followed him down as he kissed her, every part of her, slowly peeling away layers of defense as he went. "OH GOD! ALUCARD!" she cried as Alucard took her, her voice ringing through the darkness of the night.  
  
*******  
  
Walter heard his lord's cries, at first fearful for his surrogate daughter, then nauseated by what he ascertained from the moans and hoarse growls coming from the vampire and their common master. "There goes the neighbourhood," he commented aloud, shaking his head and preferring the comfort of senile denial over the hard truth. His Integral was lost to him now.  
  
*******  
  
"Master," Alucard whispered in the woman's ear, holding her shaking body to himself. "My Master."  
  
"Alucard."  
  
"Yes, my Master?" he purred, scraping his fangs over the tender skin of Integra's neck.  
  
Integra sighed and closed her eyes softly. "Oh, oh Alucard."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Alucard."  
  
"What is it you ask of me, my Master?"  
  
"Alucard," she sighed again.  
  
"Master - "  
  
"Alucard."  
  
Alucard raised his head and pursed his lips, rolling his eyes back and staring disgruntled at the stars above. "What Master?" he snapped.  
  
"Do it again."  
  
Alucard's frustration turned into amusement and he grinned devilishly, leaning down and kissing the side of her neck. "With pleasure."  
  
*******(one month later)*******  
  
She was almost always behind that damn desk, though there never seemed to be any paperwork. Why was she there all the time? Who knows. But there she was, again, drinking idly from a bottle of brandy, foregoing any sense of class and dignity, determined to get herself dead drunk.  
  
"Heh," she chuckled, amused at her thoughts. "Now that would be fitting."  
  
"Indeed, Miss Hellsing?"  
  
"Alucard, just the... thing I wanted to see," Integra quipped with a roll of her eyes.  
  
"Yes, I noticed," he commented, his face and voice devoid of expression as he inconspicuously sniffed the stuffy air of the office.  
  
"Notice something wrong, Alucard?" Integra asked, a bemused smirk playing across her pale lips.  
  
"What would that be, my Master?" Alucard asked, advancing a step with a predatorial grin.  
  
"No blood?" Integra offered.  
  
Alucard stopped his advance, hesitating a moment.  
  
"I'M PREGNANT YOU FOOL!" Integral Hellsing shouted, slamming her palms on the top of her desk and pushing herself out of her seat.  
  
Alucard looked at her for a moment, his eyes so thankfully hidden behind a pair of spiffy red sunglasses, before his body collapsed onto the tiled floor.  
  
*******  
  
Giggles looked over at Shits. "Is it wise to be consuming that much alcohol while pregnant?"  
  
Shits grinned evil and shot back. "Your mom apparently did."  
  
Giggles shrugged. "Point taken."  
  
Shits sighed, shaking her head and chuckling to herself. "Should'a used the condom." 


End file.
